Janji janji

Setiap janji yang kita bina,
Tidak satu baris pun aku lupa.
Hari ini,
aku kutip janji yang menghilang 
dalam perjalanan waktu,
Hingga tiada yang tersisa lagi.
Bahawa tiada lagi kita,
Yang tinggal cuma kau, 
dan aku.

Wrapping 2018

I hadn't wrote anything on this blog literally forever.
SubhanAllah.. So much time had passed.

01 Jan 2019
I'm reaching 27 years old this year. although i had just celebrated my birthday on 5th of Dec.
whatever, age is just a number.

So i talked to my mom on the phone yesterday night,
And ibu was like "i cant believe my only daughter is a grown up lady. With a career"

And i told her about how he 'left' without any words and explanation.

Honestly, 2018 was a roller coaster ride!

I tendered my resignation letter on Nov 2017 and i was expected to start my new job on Dec 2017. But! I retract the resignation letter just a couple days before i should be starting my new job. I was quite 'crazy' and stressed during the one month period of notice. My relationship wasn't doing well. And there's salary problem as well.

And on Mar 2018,
I got another job offer. I cant seem to reject this one. It was from a big and established company. And i will be closer to him as we had already planned for the future. Yaknowww.. Thus it will be easier.

May 2018,
Casted my vote for the general election. It was my first time. Right after that, packed everything and came to Bangi because i will be starting my new job the very next week.
Went to a 3 days vacation in Terengganu.

Q4 2018,
Didn't know what went wrong with my relationship. But it seems like it had ended. And I wasn't being notified?
I need a reason. I need to know why, how. At least i could move on. Tolong pulangkan hati saya yang awak dah ambil.

On the night of the new year, i had a really long conversation over the phone with my mom. And there's a sentence where ibu said
"As long as you're not yet married, ibu will always be worrying about you"

And i told ibu that it is better this way.
To be single and knowing that i am single. Rather than to be together, but having to walk alone.
Rather than to be married, but having to face everything alone.
Rather than to be married, but having to keep the real me in the dark.
Rather than to be married, but to a wrong person.

Dropped everything, had no more worries.  I tried to love myself more. Because if i am not able to love my myself, how am i gonna love somebody else.

I went to work on new year, my family gave me a surprise visit all the way from North Perak. I hadn't had a proper meal since i woke up in the morning. Had an early dinner at 5.30 pm (well a very late lunch for me) with them in Bangi.
I HAD MY FIRST PROPER MEAL IN 2019, WITH MY FAMILY 😭

I know 2019 is also gonna be a tough year, come whatever may. I am ready insyaAllah.
Better days are coming.

nak carik keje, nak carik keje

tak tahu cane nak luah perasaan hati ni.
baru lepas selak2 jobstr**t,
part online application. sebab macam dah tazzabar tggu..

takde pun company nak call.
takde pun dapat hint nak pergi interview.
rasa mcm useless gilaa dok berbulan2 apply job.
beratus2 job dah apply,
tapi jawapan dia huhuhuhuhuuuuuuuuuuuu...

sekali bukak,
*compare with 122 other applicants
*compare with 999 other applicants
*compare with 567 other applicants

okay, okay, okay..
rasa mcm nak nangis gila2!!!!!

tadi pergi career fair, and you know what?
sama ja macam hat yang vacancies punya iklan kat jobtuuuut tu.

-at least 2 years of experience
-at least 5 years of experience
-at least 10 years of experience

maka mungkin mereputlah zirah

lepas ni nak tulis 1 year of experience of UNEMPLOYMENT..

OK BAI.

Sonnet LXXXI: Rest with your dream inside my dream

Already, you are mine. Rest with your dream inside my dream.
Love, grief, labour, must sleep now.
Night revolves on invisible wheels
and joined to me you are pure as sleeping amber.

No one else will sleep with my dream, love.
You will go we will go joined by the waters of time.
No other one will travel the shadows with me,
only you, eternal nature, eternal sun, eternal moon.

Already your hands have opened their delicate fists
and let fall, without direction, their gentle signs,
you eyes enclosing themselves like two grey wings,

while I follow the waters you bring that take me onwards:
night, Earth, winds weave their fate, and already,
not only am I not without you, I alone am your dream

-Pablo Neruda

p/s: is there any poetry reading place that you know in Malaysia? tell me please.

Ujian datang lagi

Bismillah.

21 November 2014

I was suspected of having fibroid in the ...............

So the doctor suggested that I should go for ultrasound in either Serdang just in Penang. back to my hometown. and booked the date for operation.
betul, nak buat secepat mungkin tapi macam susah je, thesis yang due next week, poster presentation on 18th December, final exam, industrial training.

Allah......

nak call ibu ayah nak bagitahu pasal benda ni sangat lah susah. susah, really susah. 

I googled on the causes that might contribute to the occurrence of the fibroid of benign tumor or what so ever it is:

• The monthly changes in the levels of oestrogen and progesterone are considered to be the most noteworthy factors contributing to this disease. These two hormones directly affect the b............. tissues by causing cells to grow and multiply.
• Prolactin, growth factor, thyroid hormone and insulin also influence the development of b............ fibroids.
• The b.............. produces hormonal products from its glandular and fat cells. These hormonal products send signals to the neighbouring b.............. cells. These signals are the key factors responsible for the development of b......... fibroids.

Zirah suggest sangat2, women out there please please do a frequent check on your body. No matter what age you are. because unexpected things could happened. 

Zirah harap boleh pergi intern on time, complete intern pun on time. so that boleh grad pun time. 

-SAKIT YANG KU RASA BIAR JADI PENAWAR DOSAKU-