haip! tangan tu.. gatal kn?

Thursday, February 07, 2013

If You Forget Me-Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing. 

You know how this is: 
if I look 
at the crystal moon, at the red branch 
of the slow autumn at my window, 
if I touch 
near the fire 
the impalpable ash 
or the wrinkled body of the log, 
everything carries me to you, 
as if everything that exists, 
aromas, light, metals, 
were little boats 
that sail 
toward those isles of yours that wait for me. 

Well, now, 
if little by little you stop loving me 
I shall stop loving you little by little. 

If suddenly 
you forget me 
do not look for me, 
for I shall already have forgotten you. 

If you think it long and mad, 
the wind of banners 
that passes through my life, 
and you decide 
to leave me at the shore 
of the heart where I have roots, 
that on that day, 
at that hour, 
I shall lift my arms 
and my roots will set off 
to seek another land. 

if each day, 
each hour, 
you feel that you are destined for me 
with implacable sweetness, 
if each day a flower 
climbs up to your lips to seek me, 
ah my love, ah my own, 
in me all that fire is repeated, 
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, 
my love feeds on your love, beloved, 
and as long as you live it will be in your arms 
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

Monday, February 04, 2013

little baby in the house

setelah hampir 14 tahun, keluarga zeera telah didatangi orang baru.. bkn anak zeera, ok!
jg bkn ank sedare zeera sbb zeera ni anak sulung.. impossible adk i nk langkah bendul i sbb dia baru je habis spm..huhu
tp adik.

Haziq Mubin bin Harizan
(nama ni kaklong yg pilih tau)

part seronok nye tu, i remained as the only daughter in the family..xoxo

after a week mubin was born barulah kaklong dia ni berkesempatan pulang kekampung atas alasan study week.. jenguk adik nye laa.. tu pon a few days je yg sempat, sbb ada test History and Philosophy of Science on that very study week.. =.=" *sigh

zeera habiskan study week and the exam weeks tahan azab rindukan mubin.. perit sumpah!
study sket, bukak phone tengok muka mubin, then study blek..
not long after there were one of my friend did asks me

"kenape enti rindu kt mubin? dia bkn boleh bercakap lg pon.."

my tongue gone freeze.. tak terucap ape2 jawapan pun..
perasaan sayang, rindu pada family tu something yg bg sy x dpat diungkap dgn kata2.. it is something subjective, even beyond imagination..

another friend of mine yg tlg jawabkan

"zira tu rindu mubin sbb dh macam2 perasaan dia ade pada mubin"

yup, macam2 perasaan.. sedih, marah, suka, terasing, rindu.
me and mubin, we're like we came to this world from different mother. we only share the same father. when my father married my stepmom like 7 years ago after my parents parted their way one year back then, i had never imagined that i'd had a half-brother. had never imagined that there'd be someone who resembles my genetic characteristic,thus my physical appearance by half perhaps.

--->sedih masa mula dapat tahu, 
--->terasa terasing bila fikirkan kewujudan dia, 
--->tak sabar masa tunggu dia lahir, 
--->excited tengok dia membesar inch by inch inside ibu's womb,
--->senyum melebar masa dapat mms pic dia,

--->surfing the net n selak kamus masa pilih nama untuk dia like crazy
--->menghitung hari nk kiss pipi dia

9 months ago, when my father told me that she was pregnant, i was crying in almost every last sujud, where i kneed i bowed to Allah the Almighty asking Him to give me strength to give me reason so that i can accept his existance. and he answered my dua'a through His verses from the holy Quran. *tak igt dh ayat berapa n surah ape..
cuma roomies lama zeera je tahu my inhuman behaviour masa tu, mental breakdown. terima kasih jg utk diorang sbb bg kata2 semangat sebelum dan selepas mubin lahir..
"semoga zirah jadi kakak yg solehah"

3 weeks
1 months

saje kepilkan sekali yg ni, ni abgnye mubin.. alif.
same kn mata diorang. ^^ 
nnt kalu zeera ade anak, muka mcm ni pun dh puas hati sgt dh..hohoho gatal!

ada org cakap hidup zeera ni macam drama, banyak cerita2 yg selalunya nampak kt drama je. kalau dulu masa zeera kecil, means belum lg matang zeera rasa down sgt dgn all these plot, all these chapter of my life. kenapa hidup zeera x bahagia macam org lain, kenapa zeera x boleh dpt a perfect family mcm org lain.. semua tu zeera pertikai.
tp sekarang zeera tahu, zeera faham yg this imperfect life of mine that was unescapably perfectly written by Allah sebenarnya manis belaka. Allah uji zeera sikit saja sebab nak bagi zeera tahu menghargai nikmat. betapa org cakap nikmat tu nikmat yg tersangat nikmat.*kan dh unsur lewah

albaqarah verse 216. "Fighting (in the cause of Allah) is prescribed for you, although you dislike it. Yet it may happen that you dislike a thing while it is good for you; and it may happen that you love a thing while it is evil for you; surely Allah knows, and you know not."

its better to light a small candle than to curse the darkness