menghampiri kedewasaan

first and foremost, let me start with lafz basmalah..
Bismillahirahmanirahim..

20 years back then, I was 1 year old
10 years ago, I was 11 years old
5 years ago, I was 16
last year I was 20
and this year I am getting 21
thus next year I'll be 22.
10 years more, I"ll be 31.

MasyaALLAH.. time is running super fast. kalah Usain Bolt!

I was a baby who need my parents to carry me, to kendong me everywhere they went,
I was a kid who used to cling on my parents,
I was a teenage who used to rebel and 
hold my head up right in defending my fault,
but..
I am still a daughter to my parents,
I am still a sister toward my brothers,
I am a student who devoted my lifetime craving for education.. thinking that education is the only way to change my life, to change my social status..

in no meantime, you and I and we are going to be an adult. an adult who work to earn, an adult who think of the future, who think of tomorrow.

through my 20 years of living, I used to be a child who spent my entire day laughing, watching dramas, berjimba merata, kaki yang sikit2 nak keluar rumah. 
masak? that's a lady's job. kemas rumah? urhh, habuk. wash the dishes? kasar la tgn I nnt. basuh baju? senang sgt, campak dlm washing machine jer!

but everybody needs a change. a change for good.
I am no more a child, correction here. we are no more a child.



I was texting with a friend of mine couple days ago,

FRIEND: jom solat! nnt jgn lupa doa biar dpt result yg bagus dan pasangan yg soleh atau solehah

I was dumbfounded. stoned.
marriage, 
undoubtedly, frankly.. tak tahu salah nya atau silap nya di mana.. mungkin bi'ah disini, mungin suasana disini yg Alhamdulillah.. maksiat tdk berleluasa, aurat tdk terdedah dimerata.. cuma pemikiran yg sikit2 nya ttg kahwin..

"nk jimat sikit, kumpul duit nak kawen"
"mstilah ttup aurat, simpan utk future suami nnt"

knp tidak

"jimat duit sikit, kumpul duit nk hantar ibu abah pegi Mekah"
"msti lah ttup aurat, kan kewajipan sbg Muslim"

perhaps I am still a child at heart, and sy sndiri pon mengaku.. bkn x pernah fikir langsung psl kahwin ni, pernah. yes pernah. but at the same time having the thought that it is something far away.. lambat lg.. marriage is such a decision that may change my life, my entire life, my future as well.
I got the entire world to conquer, dude..
in two years time, I am a fresh graduate.. InsyaALLAH
angan2 utk further buat second degree, sape x ade.
fly ke oversea sambung phD..

tahu, 
it is not that all these cannot be achieved with a life partner..
it can, it may.. conditioned with someone who's willing to pack up his luggage, get into the flight and waved at Malaysia. start a new life with a foreign weather, being a minority, catch up with a new accent. that's a lot to think of!

there is a reason why ALLAH keep our future as a secret, so that we would never lose hope. so that we would always keep our faith in believing HIM.